Why I'm still single

Okay, I admit, hope if marriage is lost on me. People have stopped asking me if I'm going to get married; they've just stopped talking about marriage altogether in front of me. So the cat's out of the bag and you can all stop whispering about me and how my weight loss is too little too late. I've recently been able to quantify the reason that I'm still single. It's called the Mormon Scale of Attractiveness, and it has more merit than most give it credit for. The only flaw in the otherwise genius scale is that it doesn't take into consideration whether you are a returned missionary or have an advanced degree. I believe both of those will dock you a full point if you're female. So...in short...I'm screwed. Dock me another point for sarcasm, I just dare you.

So I now have to make a command decision: To stay or not to stay. Not to stay means leaving loved ones, and that's hard for me, believe it or not. To stay means probably cooking for one the rest of my life. I'm not wholly unhappy with the latter option, but I do get lonely and feel unwanted from time to time when no one pops the question. I usually shut that voice up with cookie dough ice cream, but my recent banding has me reeling from such indulgences so I just have to put up with it.

So, if you're male, don't have an over-inflated ego and you like chubby, sarcastic women, then give me a call.

Shopping in the normal girl section

I could never figure out why there's always a separate section for "big" girls. There's not a separate section for big guys, so why one for girls? Well, I have my opinions about why but I'll keep them to myself right now. The purpose of today's post is that I finally made the transition! Oh yeah, I shopped in the skinny biotch section today. I bought an extra large pair of board shorts and they FIT. Okay, they were snug, but they still fit and that's what matters. I believe that translates into a size 14. Woohoo!

Okay, so I'm 85 pounds down now. Today some friends and I went up to Lava Hot Springs, Idaho to take the river. Let me tell you that 85 pounds makes a gynormous difference when you're going down the river 20 times. I'm not even tired right now. This would have wiped me out before. Not to mention the fact that I walked back up to the top of the river a bunch of times carrying a giant tube and it didn't even phase me. I skated down the 70 degree incline down to the river a bunch of times and it didn't even phase me. I was in a friggin swimsuit (and board shorts) all day and I didn't feel 50 times larger than everyone else on the river. I must admit I still have a somewhat augmented view of my actual size. It's funny. When I was 300+ pounds I felt like I looked like a size 16. Now that I'm in the low 200's I feel like I looked when I was 300+ pounds. I don't know why my view has reversed itself. But at least today I felt quasi-normal and had SUCH a good time! I can't even explain how much fun we had today. I wish I could do this every weekend. My only regret is that my good friend, Jensen, couldn't join us. So if you're out there, Jensen, remember that we thought of you the whole time and wanted you to be there but we understand why you weren't. Let's think of something your whole family can do next time that will be fun. What about going to a lake and barbequeing and swimming? Get back to me on this, will ya? We want to hang out with you!