My bloody eye and other news

So today I wake up and my right eye is glued shut. I think someone has played a nasty trick on me during the night. So I finally pry my eye open to discover an ugly, bloody-looking mess. The thought crossed my mind to record it and get some bloody eye stock video.

So I went to the band doc today (with my bloody eye), and found out that I've lost 14.5 pounds since my pre-op appointment. I'm quite sure I'll gain 5-7 of those pounds back in the next few weeks as I can eat more food. I have noticed that my clothes are a bit looser, for sure. I even got a comment yesterday that I looked like I've lost weight. I must admit I wasn't expecting that for another 30 pounds or so.

My zest for blogging is slowly disappearing. Probably because I've got new things on my mind now, like figuring out how I'm going to film the funeral scene for our movie in the next 3 weeks. I've recruited like 50 people to help, for free I might add. But the funeral scene is set in 1979, so I've got to figure out how to get the time right. I'm breaking my own rule here by doing a "period" scene. It's been a long-standing rule of mine that if you can't afford to do the work it takes to make a period piece, you shouldn't do one at all. If you're indie, go all the way indie and suck it up. Don't try to make it look expensive, it always backfires. That's why Buckley's ideas are so great! They're usually low-budget, very creative, and can integrate that new handheld look that has become so valuable to the indie filmmaker. And yet, here I am, buying a crane for a "sweeping shot" of the funeral. Right. Well, I think I can edit well enough that I can fake it if needed. But in 3 weeks the leaves will be on the ground and we'll be in that ever-so-short period of being in between leaves turning and snow falling. So I HAVE to get it right away. Otherwise I'll have to buy leaves and scatter them around the cemetery. Oh crap, I just remembered, now I need a freaking casket! HOW COULD I FORGET? Okay, this scene may need to be scratched. How am I going to get a freaking casket? Should I just barge in on an existing funeral and say, "Oh, hey, would YOU like to be in a movie? All you have to do is let me film granny's casket. Ok?" I'm sure that'll go over really well. Any ideas, Buckeley? We've got to show the dad's new apathy and the fact that the mom just died. I'm sure we could come up with way more creative ways of showing this.

Don't look at me that way!

Something is not right

I'm bleeding internally. I don't know what from and neither do the docs. But my blood levels are OK, so I guess I'll just deal with it.

Ok, Buckley, I know you read this so I'm going to try to pursuade you online. I think we should revisit "The Light." I figured out a way to do the opening sequence (without the use of a tricycle or contorting one's body in some unhuman way). Yes, and I think we should add a little more depth to the main character, even though it's a short. In addition to that, and I hope you will concur, I think you should play the lead. Something about you tells me that you'd be a brilliant actor. Maybe it's your depth in character and personality, and the fact that you thoroughly research everything you do and you're very creative. I think we could shoot it in a few days, really. I have it all written out in my head and I think we should do a bleach bypass look on the "drip drip" girl, you know, that sort of surreal feel, like the character's mind. I think we should shoot most of it the way the lead would see it in his crazed brain, and then every once in awhile flash back to the reality of his childhood to further reveal him. I found a guy who's willing to do the CG effects. He's very good, and he goes to my ward, and I think he'll do it for free.

If we only take a few days to shoot, get the lighting and set, set up quickly (because we're much better at that now), take stills for continuity, use my handy steadicam and a lot of handheld, and possibly get a 2nd camera and cameraman (or Andrea), then I think we can pull off this bad boy. I still want Andrea to do the set, though. I think she has a good eye for continuity, too. I'm not going to ask Mark Maxson to do the soundtrack any more. I'm just going to do it. I have the background for it anyway. We can shoot everything without the girl first and then shoot the scenes with the girl later, when we can find someone to play her. There's this girl I know who I've seen act before (only in classroom exercises) and she has a real gift for it. She als has a penchant for the "F" word, but other than that she's great. After that, let's do a comedy and see how we fair at that game.

So what say ye? (say yes)

Back with the land of the living

So... I just watched 28 Days Later. So among the land of the living means not infected with the rage virus. I just have old-fashioned rage. You know, the good kind.

Well, I went to the gym today for my first post-band workout. I was ready to start working out again, but I must admit that my energy puttered out at about 15 minutes, though I went for 25. I can usually carry on a good half hour. I guess that means I'm human (and not that crazed robot I thought I was).

I also got on the scale. Are you ready? (Drumroll please) 293.5!

This probably means I've lost 5 pounds of water, 2 pounds of muscle and 3 pounds of fat. But whatever! I'm happy. I know it won't always be like this and I also know that I'll probably gain at least 5 pounds back in the next couple weeks, but for now, I'm going to bask in the glory of it all. Hey, that means I'm at 1/10 of my primary goal! Can I please have 10 more weeks of this?

You know, I've got that silly itch again. I get it every once in awhile. It's that itch to CREATE! I don't know, maybe something inspries me, like good acting, and I just HAVE to make a movie. Saying "shut up, brain" doesn't work in this case like it usually does. Along with this itch usually comes the itch to start playing jazz viola again, too. So, how about it, Buckley, got any good script ideas lately? Let's do it!

Did I mention I want to start acting, too. I'm going to pull a Tobias. But really, I just want to learn how to act REALLY WELL so I can direct it, and maybe play in my own movies. I also think community theater would be really fun. Maybe my dad could hook me up with Danny Boyle. He must have a connection. After all, he played in one of his movies (not 28 Days Later). Ooh, maybe I could move to London! OK, that would be fun. (shut up, brain, shut up, brain, shut up, brain)

Cottage Cheese = Heaven

I don't mean the cottage cheese on the thighs, people. As we speak, or talk, or write, whatever, I am eating cottage cheese. One would probably never have thought that cottage cheese could elicit such feelings of joy and happiness in a person. One would be wrong.

It all started about 40 minutes ago. I suddenly realized that I could have pureed food today! And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but cottage cheese listed on the pureed food list. So I got my tail over to the refrigerator, filled up 1/4 cup of cottage cheese, and began to chew, chew, chew, then swallow of course, all with the use of my baby spoon (the swallowing and chewing I did on my own).

The only problem now is... how much do I eat? I really have no idea. I eat EXTRA slow, just to be safe. But taking 40 minutes to eat 1/4 cup of cottage cheese is somewhat ridiculous. I just don't want to reach that productive belching point, or add stress to the band right now. I've never reached the point of "fullness", but perhaps that's because I don't really know what that feels like, or because I'm eating too slow. I think I should eat more. I'm only getting like 400 calories in a day. That CAN'T be good. I just don't know how to get more in. Does ANYONE out there know?

The addiction is REAL

Today is day 5. Last night was probably my worst night. I had the WORST gas pains I've ever felt in my whole life. I felt like I was having a heart attack. It hurt to breathe. But this morning I feel so much better. Better than I've felt so far, in fact.

I noticed something last night. My sister brought home Nestle Tollhouse Cookies. I started cursing her under my breath for bringing these home when I couldn't have any. That's when I realized: I'm not hungry! Why do I want chocolate chip cookies when I'm not hungry? For the same reason I've been drooling over every food commercial that pops onto the television. I AM ADDICTED!!!!! (cries uncontrollably). Remember one of my previous posts where I said I didn't think I was addicted to food (assuming whoever reads this reads it religiously)? How naive is that?!!! I've had a 27-year relationship with food. I go on cruises JUST for the food quality (because I'll never go Princess again). That's HALF the reason I go on vacation. That kind of thing doesn't disappear overnight. So... I'm mourning the loss of my friend food. I have a new friend called clear liquids, but she's a real witch. Starting tomorrow I'll have a new friend called protien drink, and she's a bit nicer.

In all, I just hope this experience makes me less retrospective (I hate this), and more looking forward. I don't want to constantly be thinking about food. I'd just LOVE to get to the point where I forget to eat every once in awhile because I didn't think about it.

Georgie like grape juicie

Okay, so I'm DEALING with grape juice, but it's not half bad, really. I'm starting to get hungry, and I think that's a good sign. I was taking like 45 minutes to drink about 1/4 cup of water the day after surgery, but then Dr. Hansen called (insert Hallelujiah music here)... He said I could pretty much drink like normal. YAY! So now I'm like camel. No lack of hydration here!

I feel 100% better this afternoon. However, from the moment I got up this morning I've been dealing with WORK STUFF! Ugh! Yes, I know, MORE server issues. Apparently all of my websites were down yesterday and today half of them appeared to be working but really weren't. I called our server administrator who said that the server's DLLs went corrupt and he had to move everything onto a new server, which means nothing works!!!!! I wanted to cry this morning. This is the LAST thing I wanted to deal with after recouping from a major surgery.

I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel much better today and am SO glad there haven't been any complications so far. I'm grateful for all the super nice nurses and to Dr. Hansen. I hope this surgery changes my life, and not just in a financial way!

Is this for real?

I'm a little out of it right now, so I figured I'd blog! What a better way to share one's delusions.

Well, I was banded yesterday at about 1:30 PM. When I woke up I was really out of it and I vaguely remember talking the poor nurses's ear off. Anesthesia seems to do that to me. I think I said some fairly embarassing things, but whatever, I think she get that a lot. I was not in a lot of pain when I woke up, but about 1/2 hour later I was. The pain kept up for that whole day and into the night, but today it's much better. The gas is killing me, though.

Later on last night I got a call on my cell phone from a client's sister. She was angry because her sister's video was WAY past due, which I've fairly admitted to, but I have also refunded the client's money and offered extra videos. But the client's sister was relentless, despite the fact that I told her I'd JUST had surgery and couldn't really talk. She was heartless. I am SO glad I didn't do her video, too.

So... I'm on the other side now, and happy to be so. I just need to remember to drink water. I keep forgetting.

Last Meal Syndrome

So today's the day (technically, since it's 12:27 AM) that I get my band. I'm so nervous right now. I can only think of the bad things that could happen as a result of getting the band. What if I don't lose weight? What if the band slips? What if I can't keep food down? I keep mulling all these questions over in my head. In my heart I know it's the right decision, though. I just wish I was over and done with it already.

So there's this "syndrome" for pre-bandsters, they call it "Last Meal Syndrome." I rather like the phrase, as I've been referring to today as "doomsday" for some time now. Last Meal Syndrome is where you go out and eat everything in sight right before surgery because you know you're never going to eat like that again. Now, I've never experienced this syndrome as of yet, and it's too late now. However, I remembered at 11:30 PM yesterday (an hour ago and 1/2 hour before I can't eat any more) that my favorite thing is a grilled chicken salad sandwich with fresh onions and tomatoes. So... I had two! So if anyone lives in the vicinity, or feels like getting shipped some garden vegetables, let me know. They'll be long gone before I can eat them again anyway. That is all for now.

There are some...

There are some who think that my previous post was offensive. To those who think it was offensive: it was a joke. I don't rub anything in the faces of anyone. Get to know me... I'm one of the nicest people you'll meet. But if you find my sense of sarcasm a bit offensive, you probably shouldn't read this blog. There is some truth to the fact that I'm doing this for looks, but my primary reason is so I don't DIE prematurely, truly.

So I went to the doctor today to make sure I don't have bronchitis. Just a cold! Just to be sure, he gave me a fairly potent prescription that will nip this cold in the bud by Monday. Thank goodness! So my surgery is scheduled for 12:30 PM. Yes, I'm anxious, but more excited than anything. I'm so ready to be moving on. I'm in limbo right now and it's not a good feeling. I'm truly ready for this next stage and looking forward to a healthier, happier new me.

I am freaking getting sick!

I just KNEW this would happen! So my sister goes to the doctor Tuesday and finds out she has Bronchitis, only the easiest thing in the world to spread! At that exact moment in time, by some evil twist of fate, as she was being diagnosed with this horrendous disease, I was having my pre-op appointment. Upon checking my vitals and temperature, I come to find out that I have a slight fever. Ever since then I've been coughing. DANGIT! (twitch twitch), I thought I was going to squeak right by with this surgery.

Have I tempted fate too many times to get away with this one? I just want to be a size 4. Is that too much to ask? I want to rub my success in the faces of my colleagues, friends, and family (in that order). I want people to be friends with me because they think I'm popular based on my looks. I want to be a supermodel making tons of cash and having men drool at the mere sight of me. Call me old fashioned, but these are my reasons for having surgery. Well, THAT, and I suppose I don't want to die alone of diabetes or a heart attack at 50, being found after 4 days of no contact with the outside world, being eaten by my 5 cats that I so lovingly cared for. And for what? Those stupid cats never liked me anyway! They were just using me for the food I tell you! THE FOOD!

Ahem. Wish me luck that I won't get sick! (Prays that family, friends, and colleagues don't read this blog)

And so it begins...

Today I went in for my pre-op appointment with Dr. Hansen. Handsome fella (wink wink, I know you're reading this, Dr. Hansen). He answered all of my neurotic questions about band slippage. I suggested he let people know that they have a better chance of losing 100% of their excess weight than their band slipping. He just laughed at me. Is that a bad sign?

Anyhow, I realized I'm exactly the weight I thought I was: 304 pounds! OK, and for everyone I've given this URL to, if you tell anyone my weight I'll hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are! I also set my "goal" weight of 204 pounds today. Think of it as a "mini" goal (for those of you who think I'm pessimistic). I'm quite sure I'll meet my goal if I decide to finally get organized in life. Oh yes, it will be mine.

I also joined a gym today. Not quite sure what to say about this because, despite being an excellent facility, I didn't get the happy, excited feeling when I signed up. I actually sort of had a pit in my stomach. Bad sign? I'll make sure to follow up on that. I just really want to get going on weight training before next Monday (so I can hurry up and wait after the surgery, no less).

Lap band surgery... LIVE!

Ok, I had to post this before bedtime...

Today I watched a "live" video of a lap band surgery. It's a freaking good time. I was sickeningly fascinated with it. The whole time I kept having Kentucky Fried Chicken cravings.

If you're considering the surgery, I'd highly recommend watching it, with a bucket of KFC.

I DON'T have Tourrette syndrome, dammit!

Ok, maybe I do. I feel like all this nervous, pent-up energy is causing my nervous system to wig out worse than normal. About 6 months ago I went to a doctor because of my sporadic breathing and he told me I had Tourette's syndrome. I'm still not sure he's correct, but I do know that 1)It's a good excuse to say the word "dammit," and 2)Any time I get stressed out or nervous or have lots of energy it comes out in the form of some nervous tick. This week it's wiggling my ears. "Rocky Rrrroad?"

Tomorrow I see the doctor for an appointment before my surgery next Monday. I get to hand him a big fat check, too. I guess I'm just anxious to move on with this next stage in my life. I've always been like that - I don't tell anyone until I've made the decision to do something and then like a week later it's done. So I've made this decision for about 4 weeks now and it's not done yet! I need this resolved before I productively belch something up just because of my nervous energy.

Supersize She!

Just what you've always wanted! Your own rotating Georgia banner!

So... here's my best efforts at what I'm going to live and die by: No less than 1,200 calories per day. At least 3 days of cardio a week (to optimize my cardio system so as to more efficiently burn fat rather than just muscle and glucose). At least 3 days of weight training per week (BEFORE the surgery AND after). And eat enough protien to feed my new muscles (most likely around 50-60 grams/day).